2/29/08 Essential vs. social...

I got this idea from a book called “Finding Your Own North Star” by life coach, Martha Beck, who also is a regular column writer for O: The Oprah Magazine. She describes having a phone interview with Melvin from IBM (of all places) who she suspected was clinically depressed. In the interview she asked Melvin regular “get-to-know-you” questions like what was his name, age, marital status, job history, etc. The answers to these questions revealed, what Martha called, Melvin’s “social self.” These are what Melvin had learned to value …the same things that were valued by the people around him. Then she threw him a curve ball by asking him these questions:

Is there anything you do regularly that makes you forget what time it is?
Do you ever look up from something you’re doing to find that hours have passed by?
Do you laugh more in some situations than in others?
What was the best meal you have ever had in your life?

Martha Beck calls answers to questions like these the“essential self.” She states that Melvin had lost the path to his “essential self” by getting bogged down with his “social self” and putting too much emphasis on the values set by those around him or by his “status” in life. He was not being true to what made him happy and content in life.

So my question to ponder today is:
What are some of your “essential self” values and have you lost them or are they still part of what makes you who you are?

Here are my answers to Martha’s questions:
I lose track of time when I read or stamp and write things. The only one of those I’m not consistent in doing is stamping. I think it’s a confidence thing or maybe because my stamping room is a mess again!
Sometimes when Scott and I go to bed we talk and talk about anything and everything and laugh like crazy while we lie there in the dark. Before we know it it’s 1 am or later. Where did that time go? I never want to stop doing that.
I laugh the most when I’m in my own home. I think it has something to do with being totally comfortable. I love my home. It makes me feel really good when I'm there!
The best meal I ever had in my life was the first “Little Christmas” I celebrated with the kids and Scott. We only had spaghetti and meat sauce so what made it great was not the food. Each of them opened one last present and then we read a lovely Christmas story. We really enjoyed each other. It was perfectly tender!

I guess, in reflection, I have to say I’m pretty true to my essential self as I am mostly a home body and often put that ahead of other obligations or invitations. If I was unable to spend time enjoying my home with family and friends I would not be a happy girl. I usually make time to do the things that fill me up and make me feel good about what makes me me. Although I do have the luxury of being at home a lot. I wonder how it would be if I had to go out to work at IBM like Melvin??? Hmmmm!