Now think carefully. Weight out the pros and cons. This is a very important question.
Would you rather be able to walk on water forever -or- fly for three hours on three different occasions in your life?
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
So I said to myself....
So I've been doing this online, live, book study with Oprah (we are really good friends) each Monday night for 13 weeks or something. The book is Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth." Eckart (another good friend) is a new age spiritual teacher. I find this new age stuff so interesting if you get through all the baloney and ethereal language. Unfortuanately, the first, live webcast did not work too well so last night I watched the recording of it. I have to say I think I will get much more from the live discussion than I am getting from the book so I'm glad Oprah is doing it.
Anyway, one thing came up in this discussion...it was about living in the present moment. What I took away from this part of the talk is that we all have these voices in our head...self talk, that can keep us in a negative, resentful, angry, or angst filled moment. Have you ever told someone, "So I said to myself...?" That is self talk. It is also that endless stream of conversation that goes on in your head with really no benefit.
What we have to do, according to Tolle, is to make peace with the present moment in order to get out of it. "What we resist...persists." For example, I am struggling with worry about my son going off to Madagascar for an internship. My mind keeps yelling all the things that can go wrong in my head. What Tolle says is that in order for me to stop being worried about this situation I have to accept the fact that he is going anyway, whether I worry or not. That is a given. My worrying will not change Steven's mind and it will not change his experience. So once I accept the fact that this is absolutely going to happen I can begin to let go of the worry and start to enjoy the process. "Change comes out of acceptance not resistance." I am working on this. I think it will take me a while but I am working on it.
I actually tried to do this on a smaller scale today while I was waiting in a long line at the deli counter. The deli-kid was moving as slow as molasses in winter. I started to get crazy, bouncing from one foot to the next, huffing and puffing. Then I remembered what I had learned. So I said to myself (I wasn't supposed to do that...no self talk) "Calm down and realize that this is just the way it is." Then I stopped my self-talk and just started to look at the stuff around me. I watched the people, gazed at the products and noticed all the colors in the store instead of focusing on all the things I had to do. I lived in the moment, not for the future. Before I knew it I was at the front of the line giving the kid my order without resentment or angst. But more importantly I was calm and and I had actually enjoyed the journey.
Well, I hope I have done service to Mr. Toole's (he likes when I call him that) thinking. And now my question for today is:
What is your relationship with the present moment?
Anyway, one thing came up in this discussion...it was about living in the present moment. What I took away from this part of the talk is that we all have these voices in our head...self talk, that can keep us in a negative, resentful, angry, or angst filled moment. Have you ever told someone, "So I said to myself...?" That is self talk. It is also that endless stream of conversation that goes on in your head with really no benefit.
What we have to do, according to Tolle, is to make peace with the present moment in order to get out of it. "What we resist...persists." For example, I am struggling with worry about my son going off to Madagascar for an internship. My mind keeps yelling all the things that can go wrong in my head. What Tolle says is that in order for me to stop being worried about this situation I have to accept the fact that he is going anyway, whether I worry or not. That is a given. My worrying will not change Steven's mind and it will not change his experience. So once I accept the fact that this is absolutely going to happen I can begin to let go of the worry and start to enjoy the process. "Change comes out of acceptance not resistance." I am working on this. I think it will take me a while but I am working on it.
I actually tried to do this on a smaller scale today while I was waiting in a long line at the deli counter. The deli-kid was moving as slow as molasses in winter. I started to get crazy, bouncing from one foot to the next, huffing and puffing. Then I remembered what I had learned. So I said to myself (I wasn't supposed to do that...no self talk) "Calm down and realize that this is just the way it is." Then I stopped my self-talk and just started to look at the stuff around me. I watched the people, gazed at the products and noticed all the colors in the store instead of focusing on all the things I had to do. I lived in the moment, not for the future. Before I knew it I was at the front of the line giving the kid my order without resentment or angst. But more importantly I was calm and and I had actually enjoyed the journey.
Well, I hope I have done service to Mr. Toole's (he likes when I call him that) thinking. And now my question for today is:
What is your relationship with the present moment?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Would you rather...
After the sadness and worry of yesterday I thought I would look to the good today.
So, last night, knowing how badly I felt for my friends, my loving husband was even more attentive than usual. He repeatedly asked me what he could get me or if there was anything he could do for me. In trying to focus on the positive I decided to bask in his attention. I had him refill my water jug, take the dog out, bring me an apple, etc.
Then (between watching American Idol and Big Brother) I dropped the book I was reading and…kerplunk…it opened to this page and I found the question of the day:
Would you rather…
Marry someone who is kind but not really in love with you?
OR
Marry someone who treats everyone else terribly and disrespectfully but totally adores you?
Right away, in the “all about me” state I was floating in I chose option #2…someone who is totally hung up on me (that’s what I have anyway!) Then as I thought it through I realized that no matter how much you’re loved, if the person doing the loving of you is horrible to everyone else the happiness you enjoy could quickly turn to misery. Just think about the amount of embarrassment you would have to suffer (now, of course, the reason we tend to be embarrassed by the way our loved ones act is another question for another day.)
Then I got to thinking that is marrying a great person who treats you with kindness but doesn’t really love you…is that so bad? Is that better than being married to someone who is insanely jealous with love for you that they make your life a prison?
Hmmmmm, I think I’ve got the best solution…I’ll just rent out Scott…he’s the best of both worlds!
(And maybe I can make a little extra money on the side!!!!!!)
So, last night, knowing how badly I felt for my friends, my loving husband was even more attentive than usual. He repeatedly asked me what he could get me or if there was anything he could do for me. In trying to focus on the positive I decided to bask in his attention. I had him refill my water jug, take the dog out, bring me an apple, etc.
Then (between watching American Idol and Big Brother) I dropped the book I was reading and…kerplunk…it opened to this page and I found the question of the day:
Would you rather…
Marry someone who is kind but not really in love with you?
OR
Marry someone who treats everyone else terribly and disrespectfully but totally adores you?
Right away, in the “all about me” state I was floating in I chose option #2…someone who is totally hung up on me (that’s what I have anyway!) Then as I thought it through I realized that no matter how much you’re loved, if the person doing the loving of you is horrible to everyone else the happiness you enjoy could quickly turn to misery. Just think about the amount of embarrassment you would have to suffer (now, of course, the reason we tend to be embarrassed by the way our loved ones act is another question for another day.)
Then I got to thinking that is marrying a great person who treats you with kindness but doesn’t really love you…is that so bad? Is that better than being married to someone who is insanely jealous with love for you that they make your life a prison?
Hmmmmm, I think I’ve got the best solution…I’ll just rent out Scott…he’s the best of both worlds!
(And maybe I can make a little extra money on the side!!!!!!)
This or that....
Okay so I'm a little late today folks but my very good friends have run into some really crappy luck. His job, where he's worked for 20+ years, closed down. I've been on the phone doing the only thing I can think of to do which is to listen. Listen to the pain and fear my good friends are experiencing. Listen to the "what-ifs" they are thinking. Listen to the "rightful" anger they are feeling.
So my questions for today are...
Should you just listen when family and friends are struggling? Should you give your two cents or should you keep your thoughts to yourself? And no matter how much you love or care for someone, can you really feel their pain or do you just think you do?
Now, on the flip side, when someone is really happy doesn't it seem like you can really their joy? Isn't there times when you are so happy for someone you feel it down in your toes? So does that mean that happiness is a more accessible emotion than sadness?
Anyway, that's it for today. I hope I was coherent but didn't get much sleep last night. If anyone knows of any jobs out there for my friend....he was in management for a vinyl extrusion comany. He would love to stay here in Dutchess but can travel some. He's very smart and great with his hands. Thanks.
So my questions for today are...
Should you just listen when family and friends are struggling? Should you give your two cents or should you keep your thoughts to yourself? And no matter how much you love or care for someone, can you really feel their pain or do you just think you do?
Now, on the flip side, when someone is really happy doesn't it seem like you can really their joy? Isn't there times when you are so happy for someone you feel it down in your toes? So does that mean that happiness is a more accessible emotion than sadness?
Anyway, that's it for today. I hope I was coherent but didn't get much sleep last night. If anyone knows of any jobs out there for my friend....he was in management for a vinyl extrusion comany. He would love to stay here in Dutchess but can travel some. He's very smart and great with his hands. Thanks.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Forgiveness or Bust....
This weekend we had dinner with some wonderful friends. We had good food, great conversations and a warm feeling of connectedness.
One of the conservations swung around to something that had happened to me when I was young (not that I'm old now, mind you...we all know 50 is the new 30). It was not a good thing that I went through but something that took years and hard work to overcome.
But the thing is not the issue here. What is the issue is that, during the course of maturing, I came to realize that I had to forgive the person who had done the bad thing to me or I would have lifelong bitterness that would erupt, like Mt. Vesuvius, at some of the most unexpected times bringing my happiness to a screeching halt. And since I really enjoy being a happy person that wouldn't do. So forgiveness was the answer.
Now, after we got home from our dinner, I got to thinking about the evening and what we talked about. I was feeling pretty proud of the fact that I had been able to let this past experience go and move on with a successful life. My mind shifted to thinking about other things that included forgiveness and then it hit me. I'm really good at forgiving the big things in my life...those that "hurt my heart". Where I am lacking is in letting go of the little, everyday things...the things that pop up from friends or family in passing. Those things I let fester and become bigger than life. What is with that? How come I can forgive horrible things but remain upset with someone because they didn't say anything about my new haircut (even if they didn't like it!) or didn't pick up my call when I KNOW they're home? Instead I let the little things turn into major plots to diminish my confidence and self-esteem.
So I guess it's obvious, I need a major attitude shift. After all, what value do those hard feelings bring to my life? Actually, they are just liable to make me into a somewhat bitter, paranoid, 52 going on 32 year old woman!
So my question for today is:
How do we "fluff off" the little things that happen on a day to day basis that ping your heart and make you feel sad, mad or, worse of all, make you "whine"?
One of the conservations swung around to something that had happened to me when I was young (not that I'm old now, mind you...we all know 50 is the new 30). It was not a good thing that I went through but something that took years and hard work to overcome.
But the thing is not the issue here. What is the issue is that, during the course of maturing, I came to realize that I had to forgive the person who had done the bad thing to me or I would have lifelong bitterness that would erupt, like Mt. Vesuvius, at some of the most unexpected times bringing my happiness to a screeching halt. And since I really enjoy being a happy person that wouldn't do. So forgiveness was the answer.
Now, after we got home from our dinner, I got to thinking about the evening and what we talked about. I was feeling pretty proud of the fact that I had been able to let this past experience go and move on with a successful life. My mind shifted to thinking about other things that included forgiveness and then it hit me. I'm really good at forgiving the big things in my life...those that "hurt my heart". Where I am lacking is in letting go of the little, everyday things...the things that pop up from friends or family in passing. Those things I let fester and become bigger than life. What is with that? How come I can forgive horrible things but remain upset with someone because they didn't say anything about my new haircut (even if they didn't like it!) or didn't pick up my call when I KNOW they're home? Instead I let the little things turn into major plots to diminish my confidence and self-esteem.
So I guess it's obvious, I need a major attitude shift. After all, what value do those hard feelings bring to my life? Actually, they are just liable to make me into a somewhat bitter, paranoid, 52 going on 32 year old woman!
So my question for today is:
How do we "fluff off" the little things that happen on a day to day basis that ping your heart and make you feel sad, mad or, worse of all, make you "whine"?
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