This is a quick post today because I have decided to really attack my book writing with a purpose. I am dedicating 4 hours a day to it and it's almost time for me to go to work. Tomorrow I have to get up earlier so I can get my "other jobs" done before 10 am which is to be my starting time for writing.
So here goes....
"If you could be guaranteed one thing in life, BESIDES MONEY, what would it be?"
Now, really think about this question. I know at first thought you might say, health or love. But think about all the possibilities! I guess your choice will, very much, depend on your circumstances which leads me to this quote from my daily calendar...
"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other with us in our minds wherever we go." - Martha Washington
So with that in mind, I pick "contentment." I would love to always have contentment in my life and never a yearning for something more or different or easier....that's, of course, since I can't have buckets of money!!!!
I wish you all a "contented" day!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Who am I???
Another interesting Oprah and Eckart class. I had a "wow" moment tonight. The class was about the "roles" we all have and how they don't define who we are.
It got me to thinking that I have always been labeled and that I've always felt defined by those labels. I started out being Gus's daughter (everybody know my father in our community), then I became Dot's sister (my next older sister, Dorothea, was very popular...at least that's what it said in all the boys' bathroom stalls.....just kidding...she's a saint!), next I was Scott's wife, followed by Courtney's and Steven's mother. In the middle of those I help many other roles which labeled me...Service Unit manager for Girl Scouts, Vice President of the church council, Chairman of the church poperty committee, secretary of the board of directors for our town house community and on and on.
I think that is why I'm searching for something now. I have no label. Even though I'll always be Scott's wife and Courtney and Steven's mom, those labels no longer say who I am or I no longer allow them to. I learned tonight that they never really did define me but that I defined myself through those labels and that molded who I was and how I acted.
So my question is, what do you think you are defined by and is it an accurate definintion of who you really are?
It got me to thinking that I have always been labeled and that I've always felt defined by those labels. I started out being Gus's daughter (everybody know my father in our community), then I became Dot's sister (my next older sister, Dorothea, was very popular...at least that's what it said in all the boys' bathroom stalls.....just kidding...she's a saint!), next I was Scott's wife, followed by Courtney's and Steven's mother. In the middle of those I help many other roles which labeled me...Service Unit manager for Girl Scouts, Vice President of the church council, Chairman of the church poperty committee, secretary of the board of directors for our town house community and on and on.
I think that is why I'm searching for something now. I have no label. Even though I'll always be Scott's wife and Courtney and Steven's mom, those labels no longer say who I am or I no longer allow them to. I learned tonight that they never really did define me but that I defined myself through those labels and that molded who I was and how I acted.
So my question is, what do you think you are defined by and is it an accurate definintion of who you really are?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Out with the old, in with the new....
I was reading about "habits" today. Habits can be either strengthened or broken. I'm sure we all know which habits we have that we'd like to change or break. They don't only have to be physical bad habits, like having to chow down on that big bag of popcorn followed by a giant-sized Goobers at the movies, but they can be bad habits of your thoughts. It seems those bad thought habits can, oftentimes, be more dangerous than the physical type. What is she talking about, you say?
Well, a bad habit of thought for me is thinking that I'm unorganized and unfocused. Because I keep reaffirming that to myself, I find that my life is somewhat overwhelming.
It seems when we think bad things about ourselves and about others they become true. Even if they really aren't true they become that way in our minds making it hard to see past what we have manifested. In other words, as in my case, I'm probably not really that unorganized or unfocused, as I'm able to put these words together (and I think they make a little sense), I have dinner for my husband most evenings (a little take out never hurts), I take good care of my pets and I think I'm a good friend, mother and sister, but by reaffirming those negative thoughts over and over to myself chaos seems to follow me. My desk is a cluttered mess, my kitchen needs straightening, projects need completing, my filing system is here, there, and everywhere, etc., etc., etc.
The same holds true for how we view others in our lives. If we always focus on characteristics of our family and friends that may not be, in our eyes anyway, the best, they become the person we have imagined them to be. For instance, let's say you have a friend or someone in your family who quite often looks to you for help. If you focus on the fact that they can't seem to do anything on their own...that they are helpless...and you keep reaffirming that in your thinking then they become a burden to you, someone who you always have to help and do for. Now if you focus on the things they DO get done and the successes they have, you no longer feel like they are such a burden when they do need your help (I know this first-hand because I have a husband...hi honey!)
So by focusing on the good parts of yourself or others around, you are really enhancing your own life and development. It's a win, win situation. You raise up yourself and them. It's a wonderful thing!
So my task for today is:
Reflect on how you thought of someone today who may have "bugged" you and decide how you can change your thinking about that person to raise up their and your own lives. Try to make this kind of positive and affirming thinking a new habit! Good Luck!
Well, a bad habit of thought for me is thinking that I'm unorganized and unfocused. Because I keep reaffirming that to myself, I find that my life is somewhat overwhelming.
It seems when we think bad things about ourselves and about others they become true. Even if they really aren't true they become that way in our minds making it hard to see past what we have manifested. In other words, as in my case, I'm probably not really that unorganized or unfocused, as I'm able to put these words together (and I think they make a little sense), I have dinner for my husband most evenings (a little take out never hurts), I take good care of my pets and I think I'm a good friend, mother and sister, but by reaffirming those negative thoughts over and over to myself chaos seems to follow me. My desk is a cluttered mess, my kitchen needs straightening, projects need completing, my filing system is here, there, and everywhere, etc., etc., etc.
The same holds true for how we view others in our lives. If we always focus on characteristics of our family and friends that may not be, in our eyes anyway, the best, they become the person we have imagined them to be. For instance, let's say you have a friend or someone in your family who quite often looks to you for help. If you focus on the fact that they can't seem to do anything on their own...that they are helpless...and you keep reaffirming that in your thinking then they become a burden to you, someone who you always have to help and do for. Now if you focus on the things they DO get done and the successes they have, you no longer feel like they are such a burden when they do need your help (I know this first-hand because I have a husband...hi honey!)
So by focusing on the good parts of yourself or others around, you are really enhancing your own life and development. It's a win, win situation. You raise up yourself and them. It's a wonderful thing!
So my task for today is:
Reflect on how you thought of someone today who may have "bugged" you and decide how you can change your thinking about that person to raise up their and your own lives. Try to make this kind of positive and affirming thinking a new habit! Good Luck!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
"Oh my oh my..."
I only got a chance to watch a portion of the "A New Earth" class last night but one thing they did touch upon which rang clear to me had to do with complaining. I'm not sure if there is a bigger complainer than me...especially in my own head. I whine about things in my thoughts all the day long. Sometimes it gets to the point where I don't even want to spend time with me!
What they talked about last night was that there are two different types of complaining. One type is meant to bring about positive change in a situation or other person. The example they used was, "My soup is cold." That complaint, in most restaurants, will prompt the wait person to bring your soup back into the kitchen to spit in it and warm it through before returning it to you for your enjoyment.
The other kind of complaining is the kind that you do when you are looking for agreement or consolation from your inner self or from someone around you. An example of this is, "I have no time to get anything done" or "there's just not enough time in the day." Those are my favorites. When I say them I'm looking for an, "Oh poor you" or even the response of, "You don't work all day, what do you do that keeps you so busy." Of course them's fightin' words and maybe that's what I was looking for also.
The problem with the second type of complaint is that it causes no positive change. It doesn't cause you to do less or take a nap or get take-out that night. It just annoys your well-being.
So my question is three-fold:
How much do you complain in a day, does it affect any positive change and does it play any part in coloring your day or life?
What they talked about last night was that there are two different types of complaining. One type is meant to bring about positive change in a situation or other person. The example they used was, "My soup is cold." That complaint, in most restaurants, will prompt the wait person to bring your soup back into the kitchen to spit in it and warm it through before returning it to you for your enjoyment.
The other kind of complaining is the kind that you do when you are looking for agreement or consolation from your inner self or from someone around you. An example of this is, "I have no time to get anything done" or "there's just not enough time in the day." Those are my favorites. When I say them I'm looking for an, "Oh poor you" or even the response of, "You don't work all day, what do you do that keeps you so busy." Of course them's fightin' words and maybe that's what I was looking for also.
The problem with the second type of complaint is that it causes no positive change. It doesn't cause you to do less or take a nap or get take-out that night. It just annoys your well-being.
So my question is three-fold:
How much do you complain in a day, does it affect any positive change and does it play any part in coloring your day or life?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
What's right is right!
Well I'm sure you've heard about this new spiritual movement (hmmm, not really new but a resurgence of it you could say) of the law of attraction. Some call it "The Secret", some a higher consciousness and others call it luck. It, basically put, concerns itself with the "law of attraction." It certainly stems from many different philosophies and teachings from as far back as time itself. I believe in this. I believe that in treating others well, looking for the good in all situations, and thinking in a positive manner you can bring about rewards and blessings for your own life. My problem comes in how my beliefs affect those around me. Sometimes I get the feeling that people are so sick of my Pollyanna attitude and my "the glass is always full" that they want to rip my head off. But I just can't help it. I so strongly believe this is why I have the many blessings I do.
Maybe the problem lies in the fact that there is a fine line between positive thinking/law of attraction and self-righteousness. I just hope people will always realize that I just want to do the right thing for me and to follow my heart and mind and that I'm not trying to force them into thinking and acting the way I do....even if I am always right!
Maybe the problem lies in the fact that there is a fine line between positive thinking/law of attraction and self-righteousness. I just hope people will always realize that I just want to do the right thing for me and to follow my heart and mind and that I'm not trying to force them into thinking and acting the way I do....even if I am always right!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Present is a present...
Have you ever done something where you felt absolutely present?
The emphasis in my Oprah and Eckart class this week was about being absolutely present in the moment. I tried this today with my bird, Albie. I took her out of her cage and perched myself on the edge of my chair to try and just focus on her. Without letting self-talk take over my thoughts I just stared at her green coloration and how the grey in her breast infitrates that dusky green shade. I saw the little patterns made by the lines of her feathers and watched the down lift and sway as it caught my breath. I noticed all the little lacerations in her beak from where she rubs it on her perches. The black of her eyes were so deep that I could almost see into her soul. It was an incredible feeling to be so in tune with the beautiful creation of my little bird. And then she "pooped" on me!
The emphasis in my Oprah and Eckart class this week was about being absolutely present in the moment. I tried this today with my bird, Albie. I took her out of her cage and perched myself on the edge of my chair to try and just focus on her. Without letting self-talk take over my thoughts I just stared at her green coloration and how the grey in her breast infitrates that dusky green shade. I saw the little patterns made by the lines of her feathers and watched the down lift and sway as it caught my breath. I noticed all the little lacerations in her beak from where she rubs it on her perches. The black of her eyes were so deep that I could almost see into her soul. It was an incredible feeling to be so in tune with the beautiful creation of my little bird. And then she "pooped" on me!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Or would you like to swing on a star....
Now think carefully. Weight out the pros and cons. This is a very important question.
Would you rather be able to walk on water forever -or- fly for three hours on three different occasions in your life?
Would you rather be able to walk on water forever -or- fly for three hours on three different occasions in your life?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
So I said to myself....
So I've been doing this online, live, book study with Oprah (we are really good friends) each Monday night for 13 weeks or something. The book is Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth." Eckart (another good friend) is a new age spiritual teacher. I find this new age stuff so interesting if you get through all the baloney and ethereal language. Unfortuanately, the first, live webcast did not work too well so last night I watched the recording of it. I have to say I think I will get much more from the live discussion than I am getting from the book so I'm glad Oprah is doing it.
Anyway, one thing came up in this discussion...it was about living in the present moment. What I took away from this part of the talk is that we all have these voices in our head...self talk, that can keep us in a negative, resentful, angry, or angst filled moment. Have you ever told someone, "So I said to myself...?" That is self talk. It is also that endless stream of conversation that goes on in your head with really no benefit.
What we have to do, according to Tolle, is to make peace with the present moment in order to get out of it. "What we resist...persists." For example, I am struggling with worry about my son going off to Madagascar for an internship. My mind keeps yelling all the things that can go wrong in my head. What Tolle says is that in order for me to stop being worried about this situation I have to accept the fact that he is going anyway, whether I worry or not. That is a given. My worrying will not change Steven's mind and it will not change his experience. So once I accept the fact that this is absolutely going to happen I can begin to let go of the worry and start to enjoy the process. "Change comes out of acceptance not resistance." I am working on this. I think it will take me a while but I am working on it.
I actually tried to do this on a smaller scale today while I was waiting in a long line at the deli counter. The deli-kid was moving as slow as molasses in winter. I started to get crazy, bouncing from one foot to the next, huffing and puffing. Then I remembered what I had learned. So I said to myself (I wasn't supposed to do that...no self talk) "Calm down and realize that this is just the way it is." Then I stopped my self-talk and just started to look at the stuff around me. I watched the people, gazed at the products and noticed all the colors in the store instead of focusing on all the things I had to do. I lived in the moment, not for the future. Before I knew it I was at the front of the line giving the kid my order without resentment or angst. But more importantly I was calm and and I had actually enjoyed the journey.
Well, I hope I have done service to Mr. Toole's (he likes when I call him that) thinking. And now my question for today is:
What is your relationship with the present moment?
Anyway, one thing came up in this discussion...it was about living in the present moment. What I took away from this part of the talk is that we all have these voices in our head...self talk, that can keep us in a negative, resentful, angry, or angst filled moment. Have you ever told someone, "So I said to myself...?" That is self talk. It is also that endless stream of conversation that goes on in your head with really no benefit.
What we have to do, according to Tolle, is to make peace with the present moment in order to get out of it. "What we resist...persists." For example, I am struggling with worry about my son going off to Madagascar for an internship. My mind keeps yelling all the things that can go wrong in my head. What Tolle says is that in order for me to stop being worried about this situation I have to accept the fact that he is going anyway, whether I worry or not. That is a given. My worrying will not change Steven's mind and it will not change his experience. So once I accept the fact that this is absolutely going to happen I can begin to let go of the worry and start to enjoy the process. "Change comes out of acceptance not resistance." I am working on this. I think it will take me a while but I am working on it.
I actually tried to do this on a smaller scale today while I was waiting in a long line at the deli counter. The deli-kid was moving as slow as molasses in winter. I started to get crazy, bouncing from one foot to the next, huffing and puffing. Then I remembered what I had learned. So I said to myself (I wasn't supposed to do that...no self talk) "Calm down and realize that this is just the way it is." Then I stopped my self-talk and just started to look at the stuff around me. I watched the people, gazed at the products and noticed all the colors in the store instead of focusing on all the things I had to do. I lived in the moment, not for the future. Before I knew it I was at the front of the line giving the kid my order without resentment or angst. But more importantly I was calm and and I had actually enjoyed the journey.
Well, I hope I have done service to Mr. Toole's (he likes when I call him that) thinking. And now my question for today is:
What is your relationship with the present moment?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Would you rather...
After the sadness and worry of yesterday I thought I would look to the good today.
So, last night, knowing how badly I felt for my friends, my loving husband was even more attentive than usual. He repeatedly asked me what he could get me or if there was anything he could do for me. In trying to focus on the positive I decided to bask in his attention. I had him refill my water jug, take the dog out, bring me an apple, etc.
Then (between watching American Idol and Big Brother) I dropped the book I was reading and…kerplunk…it opened to this page and I found the question of the day:
Would you rather…
Marry someone who is kind but not really in love with you?
OR
Marry someone who treats everyone else terribly and disrespectfully but totally adores you?
Right away, in the “all about me” state I was floating in I chose option #2…someone who is totally hung up on me (that’s what I have anyway!) Then as I thought it through I realized that no matter how much you’re loved, if the person doing the loving of you is horrible to everyone else the happiness you enjoy could quickly turn to misery. Just think about the amount of embarrassment you would have to suffer (now, of course, the reason we tend to be embarrassed by the way our loved ones act is another question for another day.)
Then I got to thinking that is marrying a great person who treats you with kindness but doesn’t really love you…is that so bad? Is that better than being married to someone who is insanely jealous with love for you that they make your life a prison?
Hmmmmm, I think I’ve got the best solution…I’ll just rent out Scott…he’s the best of both worlds!
(And maybe I can make a little extra money on the side!!!!!!)
So, last night, knowing how badly I felt for my friends, my loving husband was even more attentive than usual. He repeatedly asked me what he could get me or if there was anything he could do for me. In trying to focus on the positive I decided to bask in his attention. I had him refill my water jug, take the dog out, bring me an apple, etc.
Then (between watching American Idol and Big Brother) I dropped the book I was reading and…kerplunk…it opened to this page and I found the question of the day:
Would you rather…
Marry someone who is kind but not really in love with you?
OR
Marry someone who treats everyone else terribly and disrespectfully but totally adores you?
Right away, in the “all about me” state I was floating in I chose option #2…someone who is totally hung up on me (that’s what I have anyway!) Then as I thought it through I realized that no matter how much you’re loved, if the person doing the loving of you is horrible to everyone else the happiness you enjoy could quickly turn to misery. Just think about the amount of embarrassment you would have to suffer (now, of course, the reason we tend to be embarrassed by the way our loved ones act is another question for another day.)
Then I got to thinking that is marrying a great person who treats you with kindness but doesn’t really love you…is that so bad? Is that better than being married to someone who is insanely jealous with love for you that they make your life a prison?
Hmmmmm, I think I’ve got the best solution…I’ll just rent out Scott…he’s the best of both worlds!
(And maybe I can make a little extra money on the side!!!!!!)
This or that....
Okay so I'm a little late today folks but my very good friends have run into some really crappy luck. His job, where he's worked for 20+ years, closed down. I've been on the phone doing the only thing I can think of to do which is to listen. Listen to the pain and fear my good friends are experiencing. Listen to the "what-ifs" they are thinking. Listen to the "rightful" anger they are feeling.
So my questions for today are...
Should you just listen when family and friends are struggling? Should you give your two cents or should you keep your thoughts to yourself? And no matter how much you love or care for someone, can you really feel their pain or do you just think you do?
Now, on the flip side, when someone is really happy doesn't it seem like you can really their joy? Isn't there times when you are so happy for someone you feel it down in your toes? So does that mean that happiness is a more accessible emotion than sadness?
Anyway, that's it for today. I hope I was coherent but didn't get much sleep last night. If anyone knows of any jobs out there for my friend....he was in management for a vinyl extrusion comany. He would love to stay here in Dutchess but can travel some. He's very smart and great with his hands. Thanks.
So my questions for today are...
Should you just listen when family and friends are struggling? Should you give your two cents or should you keep your thoughts to yourself? And no matter how much you love or care for someone, can you really feel their pain or do you just think you do?
Now, on the flip side, when someone is really happy doesn't it seem like you can really their joy? Isn't there times when you are so happy for someone you feel it down in your toes? So does that mean that happiness is a more accessible emotion than sadness?
Anyway, that's it for today. I hope I was coherent but didn't get much sleep last night. If anyone knows of any jobs out there for my friend....he was in management for a vinyl extrusion comany. He would love to stay here in Dutchess but can travel some. He's very smart and great with his hands. Thanks.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Forgiveness or Bust....
This weekend we had dinner with some wonderful friends. We had good food, great conversations and a warm feeling of connectedness.
One of the conservations swung around to something that had happened to me when I was young (not that I'm old now, mind you...we all know 50 is the new 30). It was not a good thing that I went through but something that took years and hard work to overcome.
But the thing is not the issue here. What is the issue is that, during the course of maturing, I came to realize that I had to forgive the person who had done the bad thing to me or I would have lifelong bitterness that would erupt, like Mt. Vesuvius, at some of the most unexpected times bringing my happiness to a screeching halt. And since I really enjoy being a happy person that wouldn't do. So forgiveness was the answer.
Now, after we got home from our dinner, I got to thinking about the evening and what we talked about. I was feeling pretty proud of the fact that I had been able to let this past experience go and move on with a successful life. My mind shifted to thinking about other things that included forgiveness and then it hit me. I'm really good at forgiving the big things in my life...those that "hurt my heart". Where I am lacking is in letting go of the little, everyday things...the things that pop up from friends or family in passing. Those things I let fester and become bigger than life. What is with that? How come I can forgive horrible things but remain upset with someone because they didn't say anything about my new haircut (even if they didn't like it!) or didn't pick up my call when I KNOW they're home? Instead I let the little things turn into major plots to diminish my confidence and self-esteem.
So I guess it's obvious, I need a major attitude shift. After all, what value do those hard feelings bring to my life? Actually, they are just liable to make me into a somewhat bitter, paranoid, 52 going on 32 year old woman!
So my question for today is:
How do we "fluff off" the little things that happen on a day to day basis that ping your heart and make you feel sad, mad or, worse of all, make you "whine"?
One of the conservations swung around to something that had happened to me when I was young (not that I'm old now, mind you...we all know 50 is the new 30). It was not a good thing that I went through but something that took years and hard work to overcome.
But the thing is not the issue here. What is the issue is that, during the course of maturing, I came to realize that I had to forgive the person who had done the bad thing to me or I would have lifelong bitterness that would erupt, like Mt. Vesuvius, at some of the most unexpected times bringing my happiness to a screeching halt. And since I really enjoy being a happy person that wouldn't do. So forgiveness was the answer.
Now, after we got home from our dinner, I got to thinking about the evening and what we talked about. I was feeling pretty proud of the fact that I had been able to let this past experience go and move on with a successful life. My mind shifted to thinking about other things that included forgiveness and then it hit me. I'm really good at forgiving the big things in my life...those that "hurt my heart". Where I am lacking is in letting go of the little, everyday things...the things that pop up from friends or family in passing. Those things I let fester and become bigger than life. What is with that? How come I can forgive horrible things but remain upset with someone because they didn't say anything about my new haircut (even if they didn't like it!) or didn't pick up my call when I KNOW they're home? Instead I let the little things turn into major plots to diminish my confidence and self-esteem.
So I guess it's obvious, I need a major attitude shift. After all, what value do those hard feelings bring to my life? Actually, they are just liable to make me into a somewhat bitter, paranoid, 52 going on 32 year old woman!
So my question for today is:
How do we "fluff off" the little things that happen on a day to day basis that ping your heart and make you feel sad, mad or, worse of all, make you "whine"?
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Just for fun...
We are in an incredibly exciting time in our country's history right now with the presidential race consisting of an ex-POW, a woman and an African-American. May the best black ma....I mean, may the best ma...person win!
At least this year we have some possibilities to chose from. But what if it wasn't so? What if the pickins were slim, again, this time? What if you could pick both major candidates for the presidential race, which two people would you pick?
My choices would be:
The second candidate I would pick is Sam Walton (of Walmart fame) because his company is going to run the world soon anyway. Oh wait a minute...he's dead...well no problem...he could have China help in his absence.
At least this year we have some possibilities to chose from. But what if it wasn't so? What if the pickins were slim, again, this time? What if you could pick both major candidates for the presidential race, which two people would you pick?
My choices would be:
My first would be Danny DeVito. With enough Limoncello he could do, at least, as good a job as what we have now! That, plus he's short enough to sneak in and out of important places and maybe glean some "real" intelligence!
The second candidate I would pick is Sam Walton (of Walmart fame) because his company is going to run the world soon anyway. Oh wait a minute...he's dead...well no problem...he could have China help in his absence.
Good or Bad?
Do you ever have one of those days when things just never go right? The day usually starts out with something going wrong, like the dog peed in your shoe or you dropped your toothbrush in the litter box and then escalates from there not stopping until you lay your exhausted head on the pillow to, thankfully, sleep.
Well, yesterday, I had just the opposite. Here are all the things that went RIGHT for me today…
--Mike, our contractor, got to the house right on time and finished all his projects so we could go look for flooring together.
--Mike, who knows all the right questions to ask, got us a great price on new flooring for our upstairs. We would NEVER even have thought of the things he asked.
--Toyota called me to tell me that my car was finished and they even GUARANTEED I wouldn’t have trouble with my heat seat again. They even called me with enough time for Scott to come with me to get it.
--We called to speak to Courtney and, surprisingly, she was there and picked up the phone. We were so happy to hear her voice. It gave us a peaceful feeling.
--We called to speak to Steven and he told us he has passed the class he was having trouble in. Another peaceful and thankful feeling.
--We went to Border’s Books where I picked a bunch of books I have been wanting and only had to pay $20 because I had umpteen gift cards. Thanks to all who gave them to us!
--Got a message from my sister, Marie, telling me that all the plans to meet Steven and pick up his dog so he can go off to an animal preserve in Albany, GA to finish this semester are in place. This took the pressure off me to get that done. We are so blessed to have those “Sisters of the Apocalypse!”
--While I was in the bookstore, my good friend, Gina, called to ask me if she wanted me to pick up pizza hut and bring it to me since I would be home alone tonight. I had dinner already planned for myself but wasn’t that thoughtful?
--My gas light came on just as I neared the house. Now I will have plenty of gas to get to the gas station today and I didn’t have to stop yesterday which would have made Scott late for his poker game.
--When I checked my computer I had this quote in an email from Joel Osteen (he doesn’t write just to me but I do get his daily inspirations…they are great!):
“YOUR LIFE WILL GO IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR MOST DOMINANT THOUGHTS”
So my question for today is…
Do we bring about our own good or bad luck by attracting it with our thoughts, or is it random that we have days when nothing goes right or everything goes right, or does God wake up and say, “I’m gonna freak Vicki’s freak out and bless the hell out of her today” or, “She’s pissed me off so NO GOOD THINGS FOR HER TODAY!”?
Friday, February 29, 2008
2/29/08 Essential vs. social...
I got this idea from a book called “Finding Your Own North Star” by life coach, Martha Beck, who also is a regular column writer for O: The Oprah Magazine. She describes having a phone interview with Melvin from IBM (of all places) who she suspected was clinically depressed. In the interview she asked Melvin regular “get-to-know-you” questions like what was his name, age, marital status, job history, etc. The answers to these questions revealed, what Martha called, Melvin’s “social self.” These are what Melvin had learned to value …the same things that were valued by the people around him. Then she threw him a curve ball by asking him these questions:
Is there anything you do regularly that makes you forget what time it is?
Do you ever look up from something you’re doing to find that hours have passed by?
Do you laugh more in some situations than in others?
What was the best meal you have ever had in your life?
Martha Beck calls answers to questions like these the“essential self.” She states that Melvin had lost the path to his “essential self” by getting bogged down with his “social self” and putting too much emphasis on the values set by those around him or by his “status” in life. He was not being true to what made him happy and content in life.
So my question to ponder today is:
What are some of your “essential self” values and have you lost them or are they still part of what makes you who you are?
Here are my answers to Martha’s questions:
I lose track of time when I read or stamp and write things. The only one of those I’m not consistent in doing is stamping. I think it’s a confidence thing or maybe because my stamping room is a mess again!
Sometimes when Scott and I go to bed we talk and talk about anything and everything and laugh like crazy while we lie there in the dark. Before we know it it’s 1 am or later. Where did that time go? I never want to stop doing that.
I laugh the most when I’m in my own home. I think it has something to do with being totally comfortable. I love my home. It makes me feel really good when I'm there!
The best meal I ever had in my life was the first “Little Christmas” I celebrated with the kids and Scott. We only had spaghetti and meat sauce so what made it great was not the food. Each of them opened one last present and then we read a lovely Christmas story. We really enjoyed each other. It was perfectly tender!
I guess, in reflection, I have to say I’m pretty true to my essential self as I am mostly a home body and often put that ahead of other obligations or invitations. If I was unable to spend time enjoying my home with family and friends I would not be a happy girl. I usually make time to do the things that fill me up and make me feel good about what makes me me. Although I do have the luxury of being at home a lot. I wonder how it would be if I had to go out to work at IBM like Melvin??? Hmmmm!
Is there anything you do regularly that makes you forget what time it is?
Do you ever look up from something you’re doing to find that hours have passed by?
Do you laugh more in some situations than in others?
What was the best meal you have ever had in your life?
Martha Beck calls answers to questions like these the“essential self.” She states that Melvin had lost the path to his “essential self” by getting bogged down with his “social self” and putting too much emphasis on the values set by those around him or by his “status” in life. He was not being true to what made him happy and content in life.
So my question to ponder today is:
What are some of your “essential self” values and have you lost them or are they still part of what makes you who you are?
Here are my answers to Martha’s questions:
I lose track of time when I read or stamp and write things. The only one of those I’m not consistent in doing is stamping. I think it’s a confidence thing or maybe because my stamping room is a mess again!
Sometimes when Scott and I go to bed we talk and talk about anything and everything and laugh like crazy while we lie there in the dark. Before we know it it’s 1 am or later. Where did that time go? I never want to stop doing that.
I laugh the most when I’m in my own home. I think it has something to do with being totally comfortable. I love my home. It makes me feel really good when I'm there!
The best meal I ever had in my life was the first “Little Christmas” I celebrated with the kids and Scott. We only had spaghetti and meat sauce so what made it great was not the food. Each of them opened one last present and then we read a lovely Christmas story. We really enjoyed each other. It was perfectly tender!
I guess, in reflection, I have to say I’m pretty true to my essential self as I am mostly a home body and often put that ahead of other obligations or invitations. If I was unable to spend time enjoying my home with family and friends I would not be a happy girl. I usually make time to do the things that fill me up and make me feel good about what makes me me. Although I do have the luxury of being at home a lot. I wonder how it would be if I had to go out to work at IBM like Melvin??? Hmmmm!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Behaviors
"Learning and then practicing new behaviors regarding our relationships with others can be exciting and very hopeful.
Any struggle we may be having at work or home requires that we do something differently. We may not be totally at fault, of course, but we cannot change someone else's behavior or way of thinking. Fortuantely, we can change our own.
That's the good news. It takes away a burden we don't need. Taking even a moment before responding to someone else's drama can change everything about the experience.
An idea as simple as smiling at anyone even before saying a word can make an experience far more productive and peaceful, and far less dramatic."
Any struggle we may be having at work or home requires that we do something differently. We may not be totally at fault, of course, but we cannot change someone else's behavior or way of thinking. Fortuantely, we can change our own.
That's the good news. It takes away a burden we don't need. Taking even a moment before responding to someone else's drama can change everything about the experience.
An idea as simple as smiling at anyone even before saying a word can make an experience far more productive and peaceful, and far less dramatic."
"It's Up to You -- A Practice to Change Your Life by Changing Your Mind" -
Karen Casey
I read this last night after having had an aggravating experience dealing with an employee at Comcast earlier in the day. I did smile at the woman when I saw her and, I thought, calmly and nicely explained that the cable box was going to push me over the edge if I didn't get it changed. Now, I'm not sure if it was my droll sense of humor or what, but my dealings with this woman went way down hill after that. So when I came across this reading I wondered if it was not really she who had the problem or if it was some vibe coming off of me. I wish I had read this before meeting her so I could have really tested it out. Next time I'll be ready!
Today or tomorrow if you should come across someone who is just not being nice or treating you unfairly, try out Karen Casey's suggestion from "It's Up to You" and see what happens. See if changing your behavior will make them change theirs. Let us know how it worked.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
